Wednesday, October 27, 2010

wrecked by His love

Wow... have you ever felt a wreck?!? Well, this past week wrecked me... physically, emotionally, mentally, & spiritually. Though sometimes its a good thing to be a wreck :) By God's grace I made it through!!

Ray had some tests for his heart last week, which left us wondering for a few days... and of coarse, as a nurse, my mind wandered to all sorts of things. After seeing a cardiologist everything was cleared. We are still waiting on several labs to come back, but we are extremely thankful that his heart is strong! There were many times throughout the week that all the little things that normally seem to get to me just faded into gratefulness for my husband. It was a stark reminder of how quickly your life can be changed.

There seemed to be so much busyness this past week... just so many things to do... bills to pay, schedules to work out, baby to care for, doctor visits, interviews, planning, cleaning, laundry, etc. My mind was racing constantly.

Since all the doctor appointments (and of coarse the remaining baby weight I need to loose) we have been incorporating more healthy eating habits... and we are LOVING it!!! We have both felt so much better... and to actually see the scale moving is WAY encouraging! It has become a fun little project that we are enjoying together as a family!!

One thing that I have been really struggling with lately is finding the balance between "letting go" and being the mom that God created me to be.There are so many opinions on how to raise your kids... sometimes it just feels that we are doing everything wrong!! I can get very discouraged and feel defeated, but the Lord has been working in my heart in AMAZING ways the past 2 weeks! There are times that I must "let go" of my plans, desires, or schedule for Barrett and just go with the flow. But, God also created me to be Barrett's mom... I know him best... what he likes, how he deals with certain situations, and the schedule that seems to fit with our life best. God has been reminding me that I am called to be a strong, confident WOMAN, WIFE, & MOM. So, with all these voices surrounding Ray and I... we take what seems to be helpful to us and the rest we are not obligated to do. What a privilege to be Barrett's parents... we are honored that he seems to LOVE being with us. We won't do everything the same way that other parents do it... but thats ok... we're all in this together. So... in all the swirling of voices we are realizing the ONE voice that we need to listen to... Our Father's voice... his constant, always loving, faithful, calming voice. He has been my stay these past few weeks as my little ship has been tossed through the storm. There were times that I literally wanted to JUMP off the ship and take my little family and just swim away from the madness! But, God has called me to face my fears, to walk confidently as a woman, wife, and mom. I am so thankful for who God has made me to be IN HIM... He is speaking over me and it is beautiful words... words that touch my heart and heal it!

In all the chaos and confusion, fears and anxieties, He is in control!! I can REST my heart, mind, & soul on my Abba Fathers chest and know that His love is all I need... that His grace and wisdom will guide Ray and I as parents... and that His voice is the most important voice to listen to.

Psalm 103:17-18
The mercy of the Lord is from everlasting
to everlasting on those who fear Him,
and His righteousness to children's children.
To such as keep His covenant, and to those
who remember His commandments to do them.

I am also so so thankful for all the wonderful friends that are in the same season as me. I am thankful that I have so many dear friends that have talked me through some hard times, given me sweet encouragement, gentle wisdom, and have covered me in prayer! I love that my friends are always up for play-dates or just a quick visit when I feel lonely. We are blessed...

so... though it looked like my little ship was going head long into an iceburg, I was met instead with God's love, strength, & grace!

Here's to a MUCH better week!! :)

Gave B some rice cereal! He LOVED it!!
This is his "bring it on" face! :)
Play-date with Wade & Ty!

Lovin watchin dad play softball :)
Pumpkin Patch Time

Liam & B in the pumpkins
Play time with Ava & Sutton!
It was so cute watching them all roll around on the floor together!
And... sweet baby Wes Van meets Barrett!
So sweet! I know that they will be such good friends...
just like their dads! :)
Man this kid is busy! Somehow we managed to fit some FUN TIMES in all the craziness... I guess that life, right? :)

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