Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Journaling through the seasons...

"Trust in the Lord at all times, O peoples;
For God is our Refuge."
Psalm 62:8

Since I was a little girl I have loved to Journal. My first "diary" ever had bright pink ballet slippers on the front and it had a lock and key :) I wrote all about the things I did everyday with my parents and how my "sissy" annoyed me. I also wrote about the boys I thought were cute in my first grade class and how my favorite music group was my dad's worship team! After a few years I graduated to writing in cursive. My dad encouraged my to write down my prayers to the Lord, things that I felt God was speaking to me, and to write out Scriptures that meant something to me. In Highschool I probably filled 10 journals with all my thoughts, emotions, likes, struggles, and learning to how to listen to God's voice. Then college came, my best friends loved to buy me journals for every occasion. :) I love reading back through the thing that I wrote the past 15 years... seeing God's constant faithfulness and care over me through every season is evidence of a real, true God!
It seems crazy that I have most of my life documented...but the more I grew in my relationship with the Lord my journals became filled with prayers. I guess all along I was learning to "pour out my heart to God." Since I moved and the crazy fun college days seems long gone I have drifted from sitting down to write out the things that fill my heart. Where did the days go when I was able to sit down for a couple hours and just write...all the ups and downs of my emotions, the little things that God blesses me with everyday, the times he speaks in that still small voice, the patients and families that I meet at the hospital, the ways that God is teaching me to grow in my love for my husband, and now to the million emotions I feel about being a mom! I love talking to my friends and I call my dear mom just about everyday to tell her when I'm sick, when I'm sad, when I'm scared, or when I'm excited. But when do I sit and tell the Lord, the only one that TRULY understands me anyways. He made me...He knows me....He formed me in my mother's womb...He knows my heart...my fears....insecurities...He knows it all and understand too. He has what I need no matter how I feel or what I am going through- His Word.
So just as Hannah "poured out her heart to the Lord," so will I "pour out my heart to the Lord." He is always waiting; He always has time; He never tires of my ups and downs; He longs to hold me, fill me, comfort me, encourage me. The Love of my Jesus...there is nothing like it!