wrecked by His love

Wow... have you ever felt a wreck?!? Well, this past week wrecked me... physically, emotionally, mentally, & spiritually. Though sometimes its a good thing to be a wreck :) By God's grace I made it through!!

Ray had some tests for his heart last week, which left us wondering for a few days... and of coarse, as a nurse, my mind wandered to all sorts of things. After seeing a cardiologist everything was cleared. We are still waiting on several labs to come back, but we are extremely thankful that his heart is strong! There were many times throughout the week that all the little things that normally seem to get to me just faded into gratefulness for my husband. It was a stark reminder of how quickly your life can be changed.

There seemed to be so much busyness this past week... just so many things to do... bills to pay, schedules to work out, baby to care for, doctor visits, interviews, planning, cleaning, laundry, etc. My mind was racing constantly.

Since all the doctor appointments (and of coarse the remaining baby weight I need to loose) we have been incorporating more healthy eating habits... and we are LOVING it!!! We have both felt so much better... and to actually see the scale moving is WAY encouraging! It has become a fun little project that we are enjoying together as a family!!

One thing that I have been really struggling with lately is finding the balance between "letting go" and being the mom that God created me to be.There are so many opinions on how to raise your kids... sometimes it just feels that we are doing everything wrong!! I can get very discouraged and feel defeated, but the Lord has been working in my heart in AMAZING ways the past 2 weeks! There are times that I must "let go" of my plans, desires, or schedule for Barrett and just go with the flow. But, God also created me to be Barrett's mom... I know him best... what he likes, how he deals with certain situations, and the schedule that seems to fit with our life best. God has been reminding me that I am called to be a strong, confident WOMAN, WIFE, & MOM. So, with all these voices surrounding Ray and I... we take what seems to be helpful to us and the rest we are not obligated to do. What a privilege to be Barrett's parents... we are honored that he seems to LOVE being with us. We won't do everything the same way that other parents do it... but thats ok... we're all in this together. So... in all the swirling of voices we are realizing the ONE voice that we need to listen to... Our Father's voice... his constant, always loving, faithful, calming voice. He has been my stay these past few weeks as my little ship has been tossed through the storm. There were times that I literally wanted to JUMP off the ship and take my little family and just swim away from the madness! But, God has called me to face my fears, to walk confidently as a woman, wife, and mom. I am so thankful for who God has made me to be IN HIM... He is speaking over me and it is beautiful words... words that touch my heart and heal it!

In all the chaos and confusion, fears and anxieties, He is in control!! I can REST my heart, mind, & soul on my Abba Fathers chest and know that His love is all I need... that His grace and wisdom will guide Ray and I as parents... and that His voice is the most important voice to listen to.

Psalm 103:17-18

The mercy of the Lord is from everlasting

to everlasting on those who fear Him,

and His righteousness to children's children.

To such as keep His covenant, and to those

who remember His commandments to do them.

I am also so so thankful for all the wonderful friends that are in the same season as me. I am thankful that I have so many dear friends that have talked me through some hard times, given me sweet encouragement, gentle wisdom, and have covered me in prayer! I love that my friends are always up for play-dates or just a quick visit when I feel lonely. We are blessed...

so... though it looked like my little ship was going head long into an iceburg, I was met instead with God's love, strength, & grace!

Here's to a MUCH better week!! :)

Gave B some rice cereal! He LOVED it!!

This is his "bring it on" face! :)

Play-date with Wade & Ty!

Lovin watchin dad play softball :)

Pumpkin Patch Time

Liam & B in the pumpkins

Play time with Ava & Sutton!

It was so cute watching them all roll around on the floor together!

And... sweet baby Wes Van meets Barrett!

So sweet! I know that they will be such good friends...

just like their dads! :)

Buds

Man this kid is busy! Somehow we managed to fit some FUN TIMES in all the craziness... I guess that life, right? :)

our little "Bear Bear"

Little man loving his morning walk with mommy & daddy

Lookin around... Wearin his little hat from Ireland!

The child LOVES his toes/feet! Such a cute little stage!

Likin the exersaucer now! Yeah!

Tiny legs trying to reach the bottom

And... My new outfit from Etsy

Oh my! CuTiE!

Loving the leg warmers!!

He looks so BIG in this one!

Our little one, almost 5 months, is growing into such a sweet, cuddly, talkative, smily, rolly polly, chew on everything, laughy taffy little munckin! He is our life and we couldn't be more blessed!

thankful...

On days like today, I'm thankful for my love.

“Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” (Matt. 6:34)

Fall visit!

Had a wonderful fall visit with Grammy & Gdaddy in Staunton!

This is Barrett's first bath at Grammy's house when he was 1 1/2 months old.

(see the comparison to now below!)

This is Barrett's second bath at Grammy's and he's 4 1/2 months old!

So happy to be with my Grammy!

We were able to actually rest!

These are moments that are getting fewer and fewer as my little man gets bigger,

so I definitely cherish them!

This is the little train in Gypsy Hill Park that I used to ride when I was younger.

Sittin on the pumpkin... being all cute and fall-like :) ha!

With great-grandma McCarthy

Walkin around downtown with mommy & grammy... just had to stop at

Coffee on the Corner!

This is a little tomato that my dad used to play with me.

It was very cute to see him play with Barrett.

Gdaddy & Barrett

So thankful that my parents are just a car ride away :) It was a sweet time of fellowship & fun!

Can't wait for our next trip to visit Staunton!

An Honor to be a part of the Story

We had a BEAUTIFUL time with my parents in Staunton this past weekend! I have LOTS of pics from our special time with Grammy & Gdaddy! (coming soon!)

We got home late Sunday night and I woke up early for work on Monday, so things have been busy until this morning. I had a premonition that I would be taking care one of our dearest patients on Monday. I got there and saw my name next to hers and my heart was heavy, but glad to be there with her. How do you explain the heaviness that comes with taking care of a patient that will soon go to heaven? How do you describe the honor that comes with caring for such a precious life? The emotions that one has throughout the day can be overwhelming... remembering each sweet time she opens her eyes, each moment her and her family share, each tear that is shed, hug that is given, and words that are left unspoken. It is truly indescribable. Yesterday was filled with those moments of emotion.

One of my favorite "mental snapshots" happened yesterday:

I will always remember one of our precious doctors, coming along side me, to give this sweet girl a bath. To see her sweet demeanor, gentle touch, calming words, and readiness to quickly jump in and help was so humbling. Honestly, most docs won't stop what they are doing to barely even speak with a patient, let alone give a dying patient a bath. Though it has been hard to leave my son to work my 2 shifts a week, yesterday was a reminder of the unique privilege and honor it is to do what I do. As a nurse I not only get the chance to care for the physical needs of people, but the emotional, mental, and spiritual too. wow!

Please be in prayer for our sweet girl that is fighting for each day of her life and for the many other children that are battling cancer. Please pray that the nurses and doctors at CHKD will be used to touch these children and their families in such difficult times.

Love this quote from my dear friends blog:

Sad words are just another beauty. A sad story means, this storyteller is alive. The next thing you know, something fine will happen to her, something marvelous, and then she will turn around and smile. -Chris Cleave, Little Bee

oil of joy

Meditating:

Psalm 145: 8-9
The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.

Proverbs 14:17

A quick-tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated.

Proverbs 15:18
A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.

Proverbs 16:32
Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.

Proverbs 17:14-15
The beginning of strife is like releasing water; Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts. He who justifies the wicked, and he who condemns the just, Both of them alike are an abomination to the LORD.

Proverbs 29:22
An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.

Ecclesiastes 7:9
Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

Colossians 3:7-9
You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices.

Ephesians 4:31-32
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

2 Timothy 2:23-24
Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.

The oil of joy instead of despair! Today I choose...

s t a u n t o n !

HEADED TO STAUNTON IN 2 DAYS! SO EXCITED!!! My parents haven't seen the baby in almost 2 months! They are so excited to spend some quality time with him! Ray and I love hanging with them too... lots of laughing, talking, eating, and just being together! Looking forward to spending every second of this weekend with FAMILY :)

love him

Ch Ch Ch Changes....

Cravings & Conflict (click)

¹What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? ²You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. ³When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. James 4:1-3

This quote (and audio) really encouraged my heart this morning. I tend to be so focused on my husband's sin that I forget that I need to take a long look at the sin in my heart. Applying the gospel to the anger in my heart is not always easy, but it is the path to righteousness. Oh, Lord, change me from the inside out. I cannot do it without you...

I listened to our pastor's message on THE BEAUTY OF A HOLY LIFE a few days ago... so convicting and encouraging! I was reminded that sin is serious... and it is against a holy God. How I need to be reminded every day that He died for my sins and has raised me to life! Now may I run in the direction of repentance, love, & CHANGE.

Some points that really stood out to me in Eric's message:

*God’s word prohibits the people of God to abstain from a lifestyle of disobedience to God’s clear standards/commands.

*Fleshly passions WAGE WAR against your soul… forming an army, soldiering against you… this is sins job!

*This isn’t who you are… you are something different! Please, abstain from the passions of the flesh (sin)! Sin: to willfully disobey God’s commands.

· Sins: Wanting to maliciously hurt others, drunkenness, envying others, sexual impurity, adultery, homosexuality, gossip, slander, backbiting, drugs, screaming at your husband/wife in anger, disobeying/dishonoring, lying, flirting, immodesty, binge eating/drinking IS WRONG! SIN IS WRONG! And we are called by God to refuse sin and not walk in it any longer.

*A *holy life includes an honorable lifestyle… honorable conduct. A way of life… the unbelievers are watching. Holiness, godliness, expressed in how we live.

- our outward godliness never contributes to our salvation

- we never work to earn righteousness, we work to GROW in righteousness!!

* Is living a holy life about us? NO! Your holiness has the power to attract unbelievers to Christ!!

Consider your life... allow the power of God’s Word to confront you… does our conduct of life reflect that we are a part of the people of God living for another world? Where is God convicting you this morning… to come to God, confess your sin, and receive forgiveness, power, and grace.

You are not stuck in your sins… there is power over your sins… power to change!!!

I was reminded of a song I used to sing when I was little...

Change my heart o God

Make it ever true

Change my heart o God

May I be like you

You are the potter

I am the clay

mold me and make me

this is what I pray

So as tough as it is to change... I know that God has given me the power to change through His spirit! Thank you Lord that your mercies are new every morning! Great is your faithfulness! :)