the "letting go" moment...

Last night.... yeah.... last night....

the beginning was not very pleasant to say the least...

my dear mother in law came to pick up barrett before i left for work until ray got off. i was holding it together until they left with my sweet boy... then some MAJOR tears followed...

i called my mom so upset. i have never felt like i felt last night. my heart was so lost without my boy. i finally gathered it enough to get to work and get report. it was good to see my sweet friends from work, who are very encouraging during this season! once barrett was at home with his daddy taking his bottle & falling asleep my heart was much calmer. ray sent me a sweet picture text of the baby resting with his bottle. the baby slept all night and things went great! i realized while talking to my mom tonight that the hardest part was LETTING GO. it was the first time that i had to let go of the control that i have everyday with him. it was hard, to say the least. but ultimately my precious baby belongs to the lord... mom reminded me tonight that there will always be "letting go" moments as barrett gets older... the first time at school, the first overnight party, the first week long camp, the first etc, etc... its true... and i might as well just get over it and trust the lord :) mom reminded me that the tears are ok too as long as my gaze is still fixed on jesus "the author and perfecter of my faith."

2 nights ago barrett slept in his crib for the first time (yeah, i know... i love having my little guy in the room with us). as i laid in bed fighting all my fears i was reminded of the scripture that "god never slumbers or sleeps." i had a beautiful picture of barrett resting in his crib with jesus right next to him... his father who never tires, sleeps, gets weary...but lovingly watches over my son through the night.

so last night i just had a MOMENT... hehe... a moment of realizing that barrett was going to be fine without me. that was hard to realize, hard to be ok with. he has a loving grandma and dad that took wonderful care of him... but more importably he has a loving father in heaven that watches over him every second of every day.... he never slumbers or sleeps!

but this morning was a different "moment" in my life that i will never forget... as i pulled into the driveway... barrett in his pj's and daddy walking around the neighborhood holding him! so cute and happy! as i walked up to my boy... all it took was one look into those sweet big blue eyes and he smiled the biggest grin at me! it was such a sweet moment! so... the hard moments of learning to trust my heavenly father with barrett are not so bad when they are followed up by the big grin of my sweet boy... and the sovereign smile of my heavenly father! he knows what's best for us... and i KNOW and BELIEVE its GOOD!

and now my little guy is all cuddled up in my arms...

my god is good & always trustworthy!