Wednesday, August 18, 2010

trust

Sitting here tonight... just thinking...
I have done alot of thinking today...
Baby talk and thinking :)

As work begins to draw closer and closer with each day my heart has started getting a little more anxious with each day. Questions have been rising in my mind... I haven't worked for 3 months, will I still remember everything? How will this crazy schedule work with day and night shifts? Will Barrett forget about me? Can I really handle this? So.... I have been sifting through my false anxieties and God's faithful promises all day. God has reminded me that... I have been a nurse for 3 years and yes, I will remember everything. We have planned strategically to provide the best schedule for all of us, but we can always make changes once things get going. And no, Barrett will not forget me, I'm his mom! (plus I've got his food.... hehe) And yes, I can handle this because this is what God has called me to for this season in our lives. I was called to help serve my husband and right now this is one of the ways that I can help take some of the load off of him. It all boils down to me trusting God... What's new?? I think that trusting God is something that we're always having to work towards. There are times when I trust God more, but never a time when I say, "I have finally reached the point where I always trust God in every situation." I have to continually ask Him to help me to trust Him. I have to meditate on His promises and battle the anxieties that battle for my mind. So, praise God for his faithful promises! I know that I can handle anything because I have Christ in me. So, whatever He calls me to do, He will be faithful to equip me with all I need to complete the task. And... its only for a season :)

I was also thinking about how quickly time has passed. I had some dear friends come to visit last night and it brought back many memories of where I was a few years ago. To see the way that God has walked with me through so many changes is overwhelming. Remembering the different places and seasons God has taken me through reminds me that He has never left me. He always carries me through :) This year has so quickly passed... thinking about how I will never have another bridal shower, wedding day, or birth of my first born. It is just crazy how this year has flown by. Believe it or not, my little boy will be 3 months on Saturday. Yeah, crazy! I was feeling sort of down thinking about all the things that are over and will never happen again... but then I was quickly brought to a place of looking ahead...
I started to get excited about all the anniversaries I will share with Ray, all the family vacations, the milestones of Barrett walking and talking, and his first birthday, and even the other children that we will one day have.

Over the span of my 25 years of life, one of the hardest things for me is change... and well, now that I look back I see that I have come a long way!! :) There has been ALOT of changes in my life... heartbreaks, new jobs, college, moving, friendship challenges, disappointments, marriage, pregnancy, death, birth, etc. All of this in my short life... I know that I would not be where I am today if I had not gone through all that I have gone through. I would not know the Lord as I know Him now... to be the one constant in my life. A dear friend reminded me tonight that GOD NEVER CHANGES! What truth!

So in all this thinking today, I am going to go to bed tonight encouraged in my thoughts... remembering the God that I know and trust. One of our pastors reminded Ray and I last week... GOD IS FOR YOU! Sometimes I feel like I think of God as putting as much on us as we can handle before He just crushes us. Well, I know this isn't true, but sometimes life just feels this way. But for tonight, God has won the battle in my mind and I am TRUSTING HIM! He is good... and is completely trustworthy...

good night

3 comments:

Hannah Leilani said...

Praying for you sweet girl.Love you so, so, so much! :)

abbey said...

Love you Ash! God is honored through your life sweet friend. You're a great wife to Ray and mommy to Barret! They are blessed :)

jesscrabb said...

thanks for sharing Ashley! i'll be praying for you the weeks to come. love you friend.

<3 Jess