2011 into 2012

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

well, i am ringing in the new year on the couch with strep throat... but the Lord must have known that i needed a little extra rest before heading into 2012! i am pretty confident that this year holds some some exciting changes for our family... but for now, i just want to sit here, looking at my christmas tree, and remember... remember all the sweet sweet times i was blessed with... i've been a little teary all evening just thinking about how much Raybo and B mean to me... and how seriously blessed i am to have them in my life...

there is no one else in the world that fills my life with so much laughter... when i want to cry, he brings my smile out; when i want to get angry (usually at him), he makes the giggles start; and when i want to bust out laughing, my mans got the jokes!! my heart can barely fit all the love i have for you, honey... xoxo

and then there's this little football player that loves his mama, and he completes my world...

so glad that the Lord allowed these 2 precious boys to color my world with so much fun!

mommy's boy... man i'm one super blessed mama

thankful for all the "smiley faces" this little one has given his dad & mom

Psalm 23:5-6

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

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a little update on my sweet friend Kim... last week, because of so many GENEROUS people, i was able to take her and her husband $800 and many presents for her 2 children! It was a precious moment as we opened the card with the money... her husband, had tears running down his cheeks and Kim kept mouthing, "You all did not have to do this for us." Nhu, Kim's husband, wanted everyone's addresses to send thank you notes. When Kim saw all the presents for her kids, she was overjoyed! They were both speechless and grateful! Thank you all that gave out the goodness of your heart. Above all, I know it was a fragrant offering to Jesus. Each of you hold a special place in my heart, and now in Nhu & Kim's heart... so thank you, thank you!!

Please continue to pray for Kim to have strength and motivation for the days to come. Her recovery will require much grace and strength... She also asked for prayer for her back pain, as she sits in bed most of the day, and also for her itching from certain medications. Above all, pray for salvation!! Jesus is in the midst of this suffering... I see His hands...

this is the only picture i have of Kim, from a while ago..

but its precious, and its a beautiful picture of such a sweet woman...

the Perfect christmas card

I ordered our Christmas cards a few days ago... I dragged and clicked all the "perfect" pictures into their appropriate places. I liked what I saw. Its easy to look at the Christmas cards that come in the mail... everyone looking their best, all smiles... and think what did it take to get here? What did these families go through this year that rocked their world? Would they describe their year as "perfect", all smiles, having everything together... probably not. I know for this family, that is not the case. I love our happy moments for sure... and looking at all the Christmas cards makes me so grateful for so many special people in our life... But...

The reason my mind has wondered to "what's behind the pictures, the smiles, the perfectness," is a dear friend of mine that is going through horrendous suffering. Let me tell you about my special friend Kim...

When Ray was working at Verizon, he would take his shirts and pants to be dry cleaned (I know, I'm just not that kind of wife... hehe... plus I had just had a baby...) Anyway, we would go pick up clothes at Tailor Cleaners right by our house every other week. My favorite part was catching up with Kim, a beautiful vietnamese seamstress. She was always smiling, joyful, and kind. She and her husband, Nu, became our friend. She helped alter my wedding dress. She tailored Ray's jeans perfectly (just like he likes!). She has our christmas cards up in her shop. She is one of the most gifted women with her hands. When I got pregnant, she loved touching my belly... and she knew within a few weeks that I was having a boy! After I had Barrett she fell in love with him. She would make others wait to pick up their clothes so that she could hold my boy. As he got a little older he would run around her shop and she would chase him and make him laugh. I love chatting with her about life... She is my friend.

Three months ago we went to pick up our clothes and the sign on the door said that a family member was sick. Every time Ray or I would go to see if they were open no one was there. Last month Ray finally was able to talk with Kim's husband. Her said that the family member that was sick was Kim. She had a terrible infection and has been in the hospital for the last 2 months. When Ray told me I was devastated. I stopped in the shop a few weeks ago to get an update on Kim and find out if we could go visit her. Expecting to hear good news, I could tell by the look on Nu's face that things weren't good. He said that Kim was still in the hospital and with tears in his eyes he told me that they had to amputate her hands and feet because the infection had caused them to die. I cannot tell you how deep my heart sunk. Her hands... her hands... that was her livelihood... that was their main source of income... that was her gift. Why Lord, why would you take her hands... and her feet...

I went home in a ball of tears...I had to at least see her. Saturday Ray, Barrett, and I went to visit her in the hospital. It was much worse than I thought it would be. I'm a nurse, I have seen suffering beyond belief. I have seen families devastated. I have seen death. But this, this was heart wrenching. I hugged and kissed her... and tried to not look at the missing pieces of my precious friend. Ray and I were in faith to bring Barrett to just let her see him... Barrett smiled at her. She smiled back. Her eyes looked at me as if to say, please help me, I don't know what to do... there was fear and panic in her sunken eyes. I touched her shoulder and Ray prayed for peace and healing from the pain. She was so grateful. I could tell.

So... there is no place to go from this devastation but to Jesus. He is a real source of comfort. I have seen that in Kim's life and in my own. He has not forgotten her as she lays helpless in her hospital bed. He has not forgotten her children. He has not forgotten her husband. He is counting every tear. I believe He is calling Kim and her family into the family of God. I don't believe that they are Christians, but I know that God is at work! I want to show her His love.

I stopped by their shop a few days ago... After much persistence, Nu said that we (and our caregroup) could bring Christmas presents for their kids. Their daughter is 10 and their son is 14. He also said that financially things are very hard because they will have to sell the business. I told him that we (and our church) would do whatever we can to help take care of them. I know that their greatest need has to be met in Jesus though. I am praying for their salvation. I know that their family would appreciate any prayers.

So... Christmas cards... they are wonderful! They show God's faithfulness in amazing ways! We are smiling because of Him! We may look perfect, but its His righteousness that covers us! Show off your kids and your families because we are RICHLY blessed! This year has been filled with a world colored with Jesus... and I am grateful! But... I am also aware that there is suffering, and it is real... the pain is deep, physically and emotionally. Jesus wants to come... right there where the pain is so deep and raw and He wants to pour Himself into that wound.

Oh, Jesus, minister your healing and comfort to your people today... and make us more aware of the simple gifts in our life... I have my hands to pick up my son today... I have my feet to serve my husband today... I am your Child. Thank Him. Thank Him today.

Then he said to the man, "Stretch out your hand." And the man stretched it out, and it was restored, healthy like the other. Matt 12:13

(If there is any way that you would like to bless Kim's family this holiday season, please let me know...)

good good news!

some of the most fundamental aspects of the gospel are being re-awakened in my heart lately.

partly thanks to the author, Elyse Fitzpatrick, and partly because of a dear friend that has also been experiencing the same thing... basking in Jesus! but ultimately, Jesus is opening my eyes to see more of the glories of the gospel and it is seriously blowing my mind and changing my heart!

i've always seemed to get weighed down by my works... my sins... comparing myself with others... feeling like i'll never get it right... oh the weight of carrying such a burden! why don't we just give up?

"that would seem reasonable if it weren't for the gospel. the gospel teaches us that instead of focusing on ourselves and our closely clinging sin, we've got to focus on, to consider, Jesus. we've got to look away from our sin, whether because its alluring and drawing us toward it or because it's condemning and pushing us into ourselves and away from the Savior. we must patiently focus all out attention on him. we've got to think on, ponder on, consider, Jesus. every aspect of the gospel is meant to encourage us in our war against sin. of coarse, we should be aware enough of our sin that we seek to repent of it and are grateful for the cross, but thats not where our thoughts should settle. our thoughts should be steadfastly riveted on what Jesus has done. he began our faith, and he's committed to bring it all to completion. we will have victory!" Elyse Patrick Comforts from the Cross

this is the best news i have ever heard!

but there is more...

when i get angry at ray.... i must remember Jesus never got angry at ray. that has been credited to me! when i sinfully judge... i must remember Jesus never sinfully judged. that has been credited to me!! when i gossip... i must remember that Jesus never gossiped. that has been credited to me!!!

no matter what i have done... Christ's righteousness is credited to my account. i am learning what it means to apply this to everyday life... being a nurse, a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister, and a friend!

and that brings me to the next INCREDIBLE, MIND-BLOWING part of the gospel...

"be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as Christ in God forgave you!"

How much easier it is to forgive your husband, your mom, your children, or your friend... when you think on how much Christ in God forgave you! You see the nails in His hands for you... and then you immediately see the nails in His hands for them too!

these are all things i have heard about my whole life from my parents, read about for years, seen lived out in my church, and i believe these truths are tucked away in my heart... but i am overwhelmed that Jesus would open up my eyes to see Him more clearly... to love Him more than i ever thought i could... and to see the gospel in a new way... a way that frees me from selfish ambition, a way that breaks loose the chains of legalism... a way that turns my marriage upside down and causes me to see my husband in a whole new light... a way that makes me anticipate each day with my son, praying that i can make Jesus beautiful to him... a way that makes me want to run to my neighbors and my family and tell them this good good news! it is life-giving!

And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, "Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been THROWN DOWN, who accuses them day and night before our God." Revelation 12:10

live today applying the gospel to your life... not because your told to do it... or because it sounds good... or just because its the moral thing to do... do it because He loved you so much that He sent His precious Son, who lived a perfect life, to die for you, to be raised for you, and is now seated at the right hand of God the Father!

beloved Staunton

mom's house in October.. LOVE her little fall touches...

i SO enjoy coming to visit the quaintest, most adorable little town...

Staunton, Va

it pretty much just screams FALL!

pumpkin cheesecake, oh yes

vanilla nut coffee, mmmm

sweet chats with mom, make me happy

barrett off the chain excited to see Grammy, sweet

gdaddy and barrett football games, awesome

dad and ray traditions

love our visits to Staunton!!

HAPPY FALL

to my sis with love...

to betsy joy:

so... i sat down to write in my sister's engagement card... but somehow i ended up sitting down at my dining room table... whew... sometimes all it takes to get the sentimental juices flowing is a blank engagement card, a fall candle burning, a picked up house, a little background music, a sleeping baby, and a husband at a softball game... so here i am thinking about my sis... my closest friend besides my husband... she is my heart. she knows my heart. she loves me. and i really love her. more than words can express exactly...

my mind is flooded with memories tonight... my first real sister memory is actually recorded on an old home video... but i remember it... my little sister just learning to crawl, and me a crazy 4 year old... both of us trying to race up the stairs... me belting out Psalty the Songbook songs! i about sent my poor little sis plummeting down the stairs. she was cute, and just tried to keep up with her crazy big sis. we had no idea all the ups and downs we would go through together... and that we would really become best friends, not just sisters.

as we grew up, betsy always wanted to dress like me... and i'm not really sure why because my lack of style was serious! (and she is now the stylin sis!) my mom always told me that she just wanted to be like her big sis... i was thinking, "are you serious?? this is not cool?"

we had our ups and downs... our fights... our disagreements... our irritable moments, but honestly, they never lasted long. i needed her laughter, her smile, her fun personality... her... i just needed that sweet girl in my life no matter what season i was going through. :)

when i got my drivers license, our relationship got a little closer... we would go on drives just because we could. we would drive out middlebrook avenue into the country and sing our hearts out to all kinds of music! it was a blast because there is no other voice in the world that blends with mine like hers and vice versa. its another special sister thing i guess. :) we would talk between songs... boys, future, life, our parents, and Jesus. sometimes i go back to these times in my mind... and just pretend we are belting it in the car. it makes me smile.

i also remember a special time when we just stopped at our old church, Staunton Grace Covenant... i jumped on the piano and we grabbed one of my dad's worship music books and sang as loud as we could in the sanctuary. it was so fun. but Gods presence was there too... He gave us a sweet time of prayer and worship together... just the 3 of us. and it was so special. how thankful i am that i can worship the same God with my sis... there is nothing else like it.

then i left for college... it was hard. we missed each other, but somehow we never drifted apart. we only got closer... through phone calls, holiday breaks, and weekend trips. we stayed in touch... she knew me and i knew her. she was going through all the issues that can accompany high school. there were break ups and friendship problems... and i would just want to come home and get under the covers with her and whisper, and laugh until mom and dad tapped on the wall, and cry with her. but i was adjusting to a whole new life at college...

no friendship, no relationship seemed to take away from us...

college flew by for me and before long i was headed to TN with my family to drop my sis off at college. i remember my poor mom couldn't keep it together. her baby was being dropped off 7 hours away and they were now "empty nesters." (i think they are enjoying it now though!) anyway, i remember a twinge in my heart when we pulled away... we were so far apart and we both had totally separate lives now... would she still know my heart? would we still share everything? well, she is a senior now and we have. we have shared it all.

my wedding day... i'll never forget, my sweet sis bawled all the way down the aisle. i knew she was happy. i knew she was feeling the bittersweetness of me getting a new best friend. it hurt, but she was excited. she knew it was right. i can't imagine a more precious treasure standing next to me on that day.

i just love that no matter what... some things only sisters get... it might fly over my husbands head or my parents too... but my sis got it... and we smile. i like that.

i love that i didn't loose a sister or a best friend... i just gained another best friend and he gained another sister...

i think one of my most special memories is a few months after being married we went to visit staunton... my first trip with my new family, the Hunts. my sis was home on fall break. it was so fun! pumpkin patches, all things fall, mountains, family time, yummy food... it was perfect. but my heart, on the inside, was in a complete knot... and she knew. my sis knew there was something. that night, with my husband asleep on the floor next to the bed... my sis and i were tucked in together (just like old christmas memories) and i knew i had to share it with her. no one else knew yet. "boo, i just found out i'm pregnant..." we had not planned to be married only 3 months and get pregnant... we had hopes and dreams and traveling... and... and... my sis kissed my head and said, "ash, its gonna be alright." i don't remember everything we said, but i shared my heart... she knew my heart, like she always did. she gave me strength. she prayed for me before we left. she called me often when we got home. she encouraged me with His Word. she was a pillar for me. and she was right. everything is more than alright... its perfect. our Jesus wouldn't give us more than we could handle. i am so thankful that she was next to me that night...

and now.. my sweet sis is embarking on a new journey. i am glad that i was able to go before her... :) just because i can tell her in those moments... "its gonna be alright." there will be ups and downs in marriage. there will moments of, "i'm done", there will heartbreak... but i can promise there will also be fun, companionship, love, laughter, and adventure (and much more good than bad!) this is just the beginning of a very special journey. i will no longer be #1 best friend, because Patrick will now have that place... but I will be right there... still a close second (you got that Pat?? :)

i can hardly envision her on her wedding day. i know she will be a thousand times prettier than i can even imagine... because her heart has always shined so brightly! :) so i know she will shine. i can't wait. i really can't wait.

so boo, just know that i respect you. i am honored to be your sis. i am more than thankful for all that you have done for me. i am humbled at how you have responded to so many things in your life. i am overwhelmed at how much you love and care for others. i appreciate your selflessness. i see your heart to walk in wisdom and to grow in love. i see Jesus in you. you are an example of a godly woman. a woman who loves her Savior. and now you get to be a wife... and Patrick gets to benefit from all that you are! and i know you will a beautiful example of that as well. i'm always here for you. i seriously couldn't love you more than i do right now! you are a treasure in my life. you have given me more than you will ever know.

i love you, boo.

i'm always here if you need me... always...

p.s. its gonna be the best day of your life. i can promise you that ;)

i LOVE mommy & barrett days!

finally made it through my work week... now for a 3 day weekend... yeah!!

today... barrett and mommy day... played ball, got dressed in some fall colors, ran to target with our buddies nadine and will, and came home for lunch with daddy and nap time.

i have felt more refreshed today... sipping my coffee, rather than throwing it in a to-go mug only to get cold by the time i get to drink it at work... it's nice to just sip :)

instead of shoving down breakfast and jumping in the car to get to the Y for the 8:30 cycling class, we just stayed in our pj's a little longer and played with every toy in the living room...

i normally try to clean up the kitchen while B runs around eating cherrios and watching mickey mouse clubhouse in the morning, but today we just left the dishes (which i need to get up and do) and read all the books on the shelf... well, attempted to read all the books on the shelf...

b is hating shopping carts these days, so as embarrassing as it was seeing him meander up to random people and say "craca" (cracker) and pull things off the shelf, and run around yelling "fooball" (football)... so today he got to get "down" and run around target, while people were looking around for that little boy's mom :)

we are pushing back nap time and trying (and i use that term lightly) to get rid of the paci... so he lasted until about 1:00 and he was over "pushing back nap time." so we got in the car and he then he began yelling "papi, papi, papi" (pacifier).... so i gave in.... we came home for a nap with paci in mouth and little eyes shut tight... but i hear someone in their crib now whimpering... so it looks like the afternoon festivities of mommy and barrett day are to be continued... :)

thankful for a day with my little one :)

HE builds this House... thankfully!

i've lost count of the number of cups of coffee i have consumed today... the caffeine is only lasting about 5 minutes.... whew!

i am exhausted... to say the least... i am sure that ray is ready to lock me in a closet today... because everything just seems off... mainly me...

i haven't felt this run down in a long time. i was feeling pretty charged up and ready for my super mom week... balancing the whole be a good wife, great mom, and awesome nurse! well, that all came to a crash landing by tuesday morning. my work schedule has included days, nights, classes... and everything in between... causing my sleep to be broken and just not very good. barrett is in the midst of changing from two naps to one. and ray and i are usually so tired by the time we sit down at night... we fall asleep on the couch!

if you know me, you know i love a new fresh calendar month, cleaning my weekly white board "to-do" list, and planning the events of the week... meals, play dates, work schedules, etc. everything has been falling into place, following the schedule to a "T". then, my over zealous passion to live life to the fullest slows me down... making me realize my frailty, my dependence on Jesus, and my utter need of Him for every task! i am sitting here completely aware of this fact... "Unless the Lord build the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1. yes, Jesus, i remember, you are building this house... you are in control... you will give me strength and wisdom in how to pursue this week...

last week was filled with some sweet play dates... causing my heart to be filled to over-flowing! encouragement, laughter, and just all being in this journey together causes my heart to sing... and make me long for even more of these precious times with dear friends and their little ones! but i also must remember that my heart needs rest as well... there are times that we just stay at home in the quiet of the moment and soak up those times. i want my heart to be just as readily open to receive from the Lord in these moments too.

so... i already over-did it this week... and i still have a LOT of things that have to get done... that will get done... and i will make it... even in my exhaustion... we will get through. and not just "get through it"... we will smile and laugh, and make memories, and spend ourselves to the fullest... but we will also rest, and be quiet, and know our limitations.

this week is a "one moment at a time" kinda week. so in this moment... the house is trashed around me, barrett is running around yelling cracka, and we are counting the seconds until dada comes home to rescue us!

"He knows our frame, He remembers that we are dust." Psalm 104:14.

*** after re-reading my post, and looking at the cute pics of my B, and remembering God's promises... I already feel encouraged!! :) we're having a dance party in the bath tub now!!! ***

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oh! and my sweet sis is getting hitched!!! :) she is engaged to her best friend Patrick! Can't wait to start wedding planning with her!!! Plans for dress hunting in the near future!!! Yeah!!

Shining Promises

How sweet the promises of the Father are...

"Those who sow in tears, shall reap with shouts of joy!  He who goes out weeping, bearing the seeds for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him."  Psalm 126:5-6

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness, therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecution, and calamities, for when I am weak, then, I am strong!" 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

"God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it!" 1 Corinthians 10:13

"The Law of God does revive! Psalm 19:7
"God does lead us to springs of water!" Psalm 23:3
"God does show us the path of life!" Psalm 16:11
"Joy does come in the morning!" Psalm 30:5

"Lay aside very weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us!  Hebrews 12:1

When my tears come, when sad things happen, when old wounds are opened, when there seems to be no way out of the darkness, when things didn't turn out as I thought they would, when my heart is troubled, when my nights are sleepless, when the load seems too heavy to carry...

He reminds me of His promises...

They are balm to your soul, medicine for your diseases, peace to your heart, and joy everlasting!

The sun will shine always shine again...

Thanking the Lord for his promises today!!  

Oh the places you'll go...

"Oh the places you'll go"

Dr. Suess

I can hardly believe just a few days ago my "little" boy turned 15 months! Has it really been that long?? Has he really been ours for 15 whole months?!? Time has flown by... Not a day goes by that I don't think about what he will become... What he loves... (favorite toys, things to say, and foods to eat!) Its been so fun to watch him grow... and grow he has!

My friend invited us to go with them to the Children's Museum... and it was a blast to say that least!! I watched Barrett march himself right into the building, just like a big boy, and upon entering he yelled, as loud as possible, for all to hear.... DAAAADAAAA!! haha! No Barrett, dada is at work...

Anyway, he proceeded to "run" (he is still learning that his head picks up more momentum than his feet at times!) all around! He couldn't believe there were so many cool things in one place... and he could touch them all! That was mama's favorite part too... I didn't have to tell him no over and over... i just let him run wild!!

It was so fun to watch his eyes light up in the bubble room because he thought that every bubble was a ball... he ran in circles yelling "ball, ball, ball!"

I loved watching him learn his confidence... usually by trying to stand on one foot... but he's getting it! He's realizing there are alot of things he can do by himself! I love being right next to him when he learns how to do something new... and he looks at me... and i clap and say, "Yeah!! You did it!" my heart smiles :)

Barrett's buddy Ty... they love each other! Ty is always giving Barrett hugs! So sweet! I love that Barrett is learning how to play with others.... we're working on the sharing thing! :)

Barrett has always loved to "drive the car." Occasionally Ray or I will let him sit on our laps in the driveway and turn the steering wheel and use the windshield wipers... He thought he was hot stuff doing it all by himself at the Children's Museum! He was turning that wheel as fast as he could!!

intermission: more hugs!!!

Now its time to turn one back!! haha! These boys went shopping in the market... it was so fun because they were able to pick up whatever they wanted!

Human Body Room~ I think I just might have a heart surgeon on my hands :) He loved taking the body apart... His favorite part was the heart... I think mainly because it looked like a ball! :)

The boy loved the "nanas" aka bananas at the market! He was yelling "cracker, nana.... and of coarse ball... for every apple, orange, and lemon was a ball! Thats my boy :)

Dog!!! Another one of Barrett's favorite words! He loved putting the dogs in the kennel and he even decided to drag one of the dogs with him around the museum for a bit! Slamming the kennel door was another highlight of this room!

The big chair~ My little boy in a HUGE chair! He was rolling around in it, jumping on it, sitting on it, laughing his head off!

Fire Truck~ Boys + trucks always = FUN :) He tried on the firman suit and had a little break in the fire truck eating some goldfish! You know fireman have to have energy to fight the fires!!

This is where we were both getting a little tired, but there was still the WHOLE upstairs... so we snuggled in the train room for a little rest and re-geared to head upstairs!

We had an amazingly wonderful afternoon! At the Children's Museum I swear you forget all your worries and you feel like a child again :) I ran after my boy, not wanting to miss one little thing he discovered! Sometimes I watched from farther away and other times I was right there holding his hand when he looked up with his big blue eyes and said, "is tha", which means, "What is that?" I would start to explain what it was and he would run off to the next thing or sometimes give me a puzzled look :) We made some pretty cool memories here...

We were not even out of the parking lots and little mans head rolled to the side and his heavy eyelids shut and I am sure he was dreaming of all the fun he had at the museum :) This will have to become a frequent afternoon outing!!

BEACH!! As long as the Barrett has come water and a ball he is happy :)

We enjoyed a fun morning at the beach with Aunt Betsy, Uncle Kyle, and Uncle Caleb a few

weeks ago! I love making memories with family... and it was extra special to have

Aunt Betsy with us!

my sister, my best friend <3

I can only imagine all the "other" places Barrett will go... the interests he will have... the memories he will make...

and for now I am going to soak up the fact that he loves to have his mama right there next to him!

Barrett Boy, you will go many places... I know the Lord has many incredible journeys for you to go on... praying for you everyday little one...! xoxo