One of my dear friends asked me how I was doing last week... and well, yeah, I pretty much said that things really stink right now! She said, I thought things were great because you always seen so positive on you blog... so here's the real scoop... the real heart issues... my real life...
Do you ever go through a time where you think, "man, I am doing pretty good! no huge sin issues in my life and things are going, well, almost perfectly."? Little do you realize that pride, self reliance, and complacency are invading your soul...
This has been me lately... thinking that things are going so well... not relying on the Lord for everything...not acknowledging that I need His help. Well, things will quickly come crashing down if this is what you think... and the past few weeks have shown that...
The past 3 weeks have probably been one of the most stressful times in my life. I know that you can always compare your problems to others and see that things really aren't that bad... but for me, in my world, things are stressful...
One of the saddest things that I have seen come out in my life during this season of stress is that my marriage takes last place. Though Ray is the love of my life, there are other (what seems to be) pressing needs.... baby, house, work, friends, etc... What I have to give him is just left-overs alot of the time. I see him for a bit in the morning and then right before we go to bed... and its hard... we're tired... BUT...
Thank you Lord for opening the eyes of my heart to see clearly how dangerous this can be! Under God, Ray is and should be the most important thing to me... my time and energy should show that. Oh, how I long to erase these past few weeks.. things that have been said, silly arguments, and just plain left-overs... NOT FUN!
After chatting the other night, we decided to just forget the past and move forward. I am so blessed to have such a forgiving, loving, patient, and loyal husband. God is making it more and more clear how I can best love this sweet man in my life :) It just boils down to making time to spend with the LOVE of my life! I am ready for a gourmet feast... no more left-overs for this girl!!
As for the rest of my life... CrAzY!! Having a little guy that loves to have your attention, needs to be fed, changed, burped, played with, and loved on takes ALOT of energy! It has been amazing to see how God has continued to replenish me each day with a renewed strength to care for my sweet baby boy, manage our home, and work.
Today was Barrett and Ray's first full day together... and a mommy couldn't be more proud! They did awesome!! I think they are gonna be the best of friends! Ray is so good with him... and that helps put my heart at ease. I see now why you need a mom & a dad! ;)
Though many tears have been shed as I drive to work the past few weeks... It has been a blessing to go back to work and do something that I love! Though I am not always able to be with Barrett, I am able to be with someone else's little boy or girl that needs attention, care, and love. It has been fun to laugh with my friends and carrying on about "mommy things." I have loved continuing to learn new things since coming back and getting reaquainted with the old. And, I must say that it is only 2 days a week... so, God is kind in allowing me to only have to work this little.
On another note, I have missed my family more than I think I ever have! Sometimes I just cant shake the longing to be near them... it hurts to know that they are missing so much of Barrett's little life. I know that God has us where he wants us right now, but it doesn't make it any easier. I have had some wonderful talks with my parents the past few weeks... they have helped encourage me through such a hard transition. I am grateful for my family and I am SO excited to see them in October.
So... All in all...
I'm thankful I have the Lord
Im thankful I have my husband
I'm thankful I have my son
I'm thankful I have my family
I'm thankful I have my job
I'm thankful I have my friends
P.S. New things Baby Barrett is doing: Smiling alot, Laughing, Ticklish, Drooling more than ever, Going 3-4 hours without eating, Sleeping from 9-10 hours at night, talking/cooing up a storm, getting super excited when mommy & daddy get home from work, has many different expressions, working on tummy time, rolling side to side, loves hands and fingers, loves bathtime, and pretty much is a happy baby overall! So thankful for the past (almost) 4 months with our precious little boy! Mommy and Daddy love you so much Barr Barr!! We are continuing to pray that you grow big and strong for Jesus!
GoodNight from a tired mommy :)