beauty in faithfulness

Could it be chance?  Or maybe just luck?  Or is the beautiful faithfulness of God's blessing?

Psalm 36:5
Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.

I have been reseaching, investigating, googling, and calling every prospecitive nursing job over the past few months in our preparation to move to Dallas.  After much prayer, and many chats with my nursing friends, I decided to look into travel nursing.You may ask, what exactly is a travel nurse?  It is " a nursing professional who works with a staffing company and typically works at a hospital or healthcare facility in a temporary assignment that is usually 13 or 26 weeks. Travel nursing started as a means for these facilities to fill scheduling shortages resulting from census increases, maternity leaves and vacations."  I found 2 smaller travel nursing companies that I loved... they seemed very helpful in looking for the exact nursing job I wanted and needed for this season of our lives.  Even as of August 1, there really didn't seem to be the exact job position opening up.  We moved out of our house, packed up our belongings in storage and headed to Staunton, Va to spend a week with my family prior to our move.  Still no job on the horizon... but I felt peaceful that God was at work.  If He call you, He equips you! 

I got a call during our first day in Staunton from Aureus Medical Staffing Company.  They had just recieved an opening for a job at Children's Medical Center in Dallas in pediatric hematology/oncolgy unit!  IT WAS THE EXACT HOSPITAL I WANTED, WITH THE EXACT JOB I NEEDED! 

                                                   

Ummm, yes it is HUGE!  I am just slighty overwhelmed at the thought of going from my smaller, home-town, family-oriented CHKD to Children's in Dallas... but how can I deny that the Lord worked out every detail?  Even until the last minute, my God proved His faithfulness... He has known how much we need to make to provide for school, He knows my hear to still be home as much as possible with Barrett, He knows that I did not want to have to drive far, He knows that I wanted to work in my passion, oncology... He knew it all and provided "more than I could have asked or imagined!" 

I spoke with the manager at Children's and she said tha there is great potential for me to stay on as a full-time nurse if I like it there and they like me.  She said there are some open positions that need to be filled... so we will see!  I also have the option of staying with my travel company and getting another travel assignment here in Dallas if I decided that I don't want to stay at Children's.  I will be starting my 13 week assignment on Monday! 

I just had to share this story because it is one of beauty!  The beauty of God's faithfulness... it has left me speechless and captivated!  Jesus knows the details of our lives and He cares!  He wants us to JUMP OFF THE LEDGE and watch Him move! 

So... this weekend we will celebrate His faithfulness... but we will celebrate differetly than we used to.  We will celebrate with apple juice, frozen chicken fingers and poscicles... because that is all we have right now in our fridge. :)  But we know that a paycheck is coming soon and it is ALL BECAUSE OF JESUS!  He is worth celebrating!

Psalm 89:8 

O LORD God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you.

 

home

i can hardly believe that we have been here one week... sometimes i can't even believe we are really here and we are really this peaceful.  we already feel so comfortable calling this home.  yes, there are a few things that we are having to go without... but it has already been SO worth it!  we have been completely overtaken by the Spirit of God & completely overwhelmed by His provision.

i am learning how to give up so many little things that i have been accustomed to...  here there are small rooms, one old bathroom, no dishwasher, no storage space, trusting God for $, etc.  but ray and i have both said it more than once this week... the spiritual food we are receiving has crowed out our need for anything else.  all we want is more of Him.  "home" is starting to mean something new to me...

this past thursday we left for the new student encounter retreat.  it was a time in both our lives that we will never forget.  we have been soaking in the presence of God... basking in His great mercy... repenting... confessing... worshipping... just seeking the heart of God.

we just returned from a cook-out with all the new families that arrived on campus.  it's an amazing community of believers here.  it has been wonderfully encouraging to meet new moms and their kids.  it feels like everyone we talked to is in the same boat... huge step of faith to be here.  it's a sweet place to be when you come to the end of yourself... and the only thing that remains is Him.  

ray starts classes in the morning.  b will start his little preschool too.  i am going to work on getting the house back to a semi-livable place. :)  more to come about my new job soon... it's another God story!

this is a new song we just learned, but it has become the cry of our hearts...

"Holy Spirit, You are welcome here.

Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere,

Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for

to be overcome by your presence, Lord."

t e x a s... finally

our house is in disarray, but our hearts are oh so happy... we are finally here.  all the plans, all the waiting... we are finally getting settled in our little nest here at CFNI.  our life has definitely been turned upside down; as it seems we have now entered a country all of its own... TEXAS! 

my little guy is nestled right by side, snoozin away, swallowed by our new warm yellow comforter...  (buying new comforters is just a must when you move into a new home)...

the ride out here was thankfully less than eventful... we met our burgers and fries quota this past week, drove 20-west for what seemed forever, saw old friends, opened up 24 Dollar Tree presents with Barrett (most of which are now broken and in the trash), paid what seemed a million dollars to the gas stations along the way, and stared at a Budget truck for countless hours.  But my personal favorite memory from the ride here was having my best friend by my side for the entire trip.  We laughed, did ALOT of catching up, and it gave me peace of mind knowing she was right by my side.  we were overwhelmingly blessed on our way out here... very thankful!

the past 2 days have been nothing but unpacking... but its actually felt like Christmas!  i love opening each box and figuring out where things will go.  i really like our new home.  its small and old... and just right for us right now.  we have all been a little more thankful the past few days.  ray has been unloading, hanging curtains, setting up all the electrical things, and doing whatever i ask... and all with a great attitude! ;)  things are still a mess for sure.  but there are more important things in life... like blogging and snuggling. :) 

tomorrow starts orientation (and they include the spouses).  i love how they are SO family oriented here.  we have already been greeted by some smiling faces!  even barrett has some new friends already!  we leave Friday for the Encounter Retreat as a family... to seek the Lord before school starts on Monday.  Such a privilege to be at a school that puts Jesus first!  so excited to be standing beside ray as he starts his journey... really i couldn't be more thankful for him!

we're here. we're ready. more to come from T E X A S...

raDiCaL FAitH

faith... faith... faith...

believing the Lord for BIG things in our lives these next 2 months...

*great, reliable renters for our home

*the exact job for me that enables me to make the money that we need to pay Ray's tuition and our bills and to still be the mom and wife i want to be

*the exact amount of money for our first tuition payment on July 13

*moving/transition will go smoothly 

*grace for our families as we move away

*protection physically as we move, but also mentally, spiritually, and in our marriage

the Lord reminded me that He is with us... just as He was with the Israelites.  His presence is as the pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night.  He will lead us.  

Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord. Exodus 14:13 

i love knowing that God is already working in each of our requests we lay before Him.  We just have to watch and pray... He does the rest!  He is working all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose!  Don't you know and believe that ALL of His promises are YES and AMEN?  Lord, give us more faith... to see you, to see the vision that you have for our lives and our families.  Help us to be swept away by the move of your Spirit... that the gust of wind would be so strong that we cannot deny what you are calling us to!  Oh God, keep us from living complacent, comfortable, self-seeking lives!  Do BIG things in our midst! 

a few quotes from David Platt's book Radical that have challenged our thinking and our families way of life:

"We've missed what is radical about our faith and replaced it with what is comfortable. We are settling for a Christianity that revolves around catering to ourselves when the central message of Christianity is actually about abandoning ourselves." 

"We are giving in to the dangerous temptation to take the Jesus of the Bible and twist Him into a version of Jesus we are more comfortable with. We are molding Jesus into our image." 

"...we have unnecessarily (and unbiblically) drawn a line of distinction, assigning the obligations of Christianity to a few while keeping the privileges of Christianity for us all."


The population of world (at time of book published): 6,783,421,727. According to most liberal estimates 1/3 of world is Christian. That leaves 4.5 BILLION headed to hell."

"We are by nature, receivers. Even listening to God's word we ask, "What can I get out of this?" What if we began to ask instead, "How can I listen to His Word so that I am equipped to teach this Word to others?... when we realize we have the responsibility to teach the Word, it changes everything about how we hear the Word."

"Good intentions, regular worship, Bible study, do not prevent blindness. Part of our sinful nature instinctively chooses to see what we want to see and to ignore what we want to ignore."

"The question therefore is not, "Can we find God's will?" The question is, "Will we obey God's will?""Do we believe the reward found in Jesus is worth the risk of following Him?"


Send us Lord, Send us to the ends of the earth for you... You are what we want.  You are the greatest reward...

2 years, a mama heart, & perspective

This time 2 years ago, I was pushing...  and in just 2 short hours I would hold my blonde-haired, blue-eyed, 5lb 10 oz bundle of love.  It surely was a taste of heaven.  But today, I found myself sitting in the pod at work talking with a mom of one of my patients.  Her son is dying... his pain is almost unbearable and she said she feels numb.  We cried. I tried to be strong; but ever since that first time I held my son, I have a mama heart.  And that mama heart broke as I watched this mom with her 18 year old son...

I guess this is strange way to start out a "birthday post" for my boy.  But perspective is a gift... and today brought much of that.  I have been given a gift and I am grateful.

It is so easy to get caught up in if our children are meeting their milestones, or sharing, or eating healthy... are they sleeping through the night, do they still have a paci, and are they really biting the kids in the gym?!?  Of coarse we care about these things... but sometimes, I just stop and think of where we could be.  Again, grateful for this gift.

I never knew in those first few moments of being a mama, it would change me forever.  I love that I can kiss boo-boos and they are all of a sudden healed... I love that my boy reaches up to grab my hand to jump off the sidewalk because he trusts me... and I love our snuggle time before bed because he knows mama is always going to be there.  I want to pour my life into my precious child, and I thank God for the strength to wake up each day with new mercies!  Fresh perspective is such a blessing...

About 2 months ago I was the bedside nurse of one very special 4 year old boy... He was previously so full of life. He loved to dance, play, and make all the doctors and nurses laugh.  He was adorable! Cancer stole his life, but not until the very end. He began to take a turn for the worst... we believed it would be days if not weeks before he passed.  That Saturday was like any other, I saw my name assigned to that little guy and I smiled.  I always loved having him, even at the end.  After my morning assessment, something just didn't seem right.  He was scared, staring at the light, and wanting someone near to him... I was trying to manage his pain, comfort mom, and care for my sweet patient.  As the minutes passed, I knew we didn't have much longer.  At 11:00 that day I watched as our sweet patient passed into the arms of Jesus.  But the part that has forever gripped my heart was when I told his mom, "This is it, hold your baby boy."  As the words tumbled out of my mouth I literally thought I was going to pass out.  I wanted to do whatever I could to give her one last second with her baby... My heart was pounding... I wanted to run out of the room and go straight to get Barrett.  My friend grabbed my hand and whispered, "just be strong right now."  I fought back the tears as we watched mom throw herself onto her son and yell his name.  Oh, the pain that she must have felt...  I know the pain I felt, and yet it was her son.  Her son was no longer suffering, but her son was no longer with her...

I have asked the Lord, "Why would you take this child?"  We will never know the mysteries of the Almighty, but I know that God is working for good... even amidst immense suffering... His presence was there.  There were so many little details about that day and that boy's life and death that have changed me... as a nurse, as mom, as a person.

That night, after work, I came home to my own little boy... happy, talkative, and full of life.  All I could do was whisper, "Thank you God for my son.  Thank you God for my son."  He looked at me later that night and said, "night night in mommy's bed?"  Of coarse I said, "Sure!"  I needed that little boy to be near to me that night.  I needed to hear his slow steady snore throughout the night.  I needed to feel his cheek against mine.  I needed to feel the warmth of his little body snuggled up in between Ray and I.

Of coarse I have to separate myself from my patients and to keep professional boundaries, but I will always have a mama heart.  I will always be devastated at the passing of one of our patients. And I will always come home more grateful for the time that I get to be with my precious son.  It is a gift.

So tonight, I am staying up until the clock strikes midnight... just to be sentimental and to reminisce about 2 years ago.  It seems like he has always been a part of our life, and then again I can remember it all like yesterday.  It was a day that changed my life... forever.... for the good.





Ever night I sing "Jesus Loves Me" to Barrett while we rock.  Tonight as we rocked and I sang... these words went deep into my heart...

"Little ones to Him belong,

They are weak, 

But He is strong."

I have to remind myself everyday that Barrett belongs to Jesus.  Barrett is weak.  This mommy is weak. But Jesus is strong!  Simple truth, big perspective!

Happy Birthday Bear Bear,

You are 2!!  Yeah!!  You bring so much joy to mommy and daddy's life!

You make us laugh so much!  I love watching you have fun with your friends and

play!  I love watching you play ball.  You love sports so much and I am

sure you will be a famous sports star someday! :)  I love that you enjoy 

reading your books and how you say, "AMEN!" at the end!  I love when 

you wear your headphones and dance around the living room!  I love 

how you LOVE your family and say their names ALL the time!  I love that

you like the outdoors and always want to go outside!  I love that you love

gum and candy!  I love when you say, "Annoying!"  I love so many things 

about you... but most of all I love your heart... its gentle and kind, sweet and

funny, loving and happy!  I don't think my love for you can grow anymore... 

You are our world!  Grateful for these 2 wonderful years with you, but 

excited for many more years with you!  XOXO Mommy <3 

happy 2nd birthday barrett boy!!

moving on the mind....

"I can walk through the storm

I can walk by faith when my sight is gone

Just as long as you are here with me

And I can gain everything

But what do I have if I don't have the key

Oh I need to know youre here with me

Here I am calling out Father

Can you hear me, can you hear me

I don't want to go without you

Here I am can You talk a little louder

So I can hear You, I want to hear You

I don't want to move without You

Even though I believe 

You've taken up a home inside me 

And you'll never leave

I still need to know You'll never leave

Here I am calling out Father

Can you hear me, can you hear me

I don't want to go without you

Here I am can You talk a little louder

So I can hear You, I want to hear You

I don't want to move without You

If Your presence goes I don't want to stay

If Your presence stays I don't want to go

If Your presence goes I don't want to stay

If Your presence stays I don't want to go

I need You

song by Shane & Shane

Exodus 13:21

"By day the LORD went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night."

this is what i am thinking about these days...

Moving..

moving...

MovInG...

Never thought I would be moving a few years into our marriage... and if the thought did cross my mind, I never would have guessed Texas!  I am already greatly prepared with my cowgirl boots right from the great state!  haha!  I used to hate the twists and turns that were part of life... now, I rather like them!  I love the thought of starting a new adventure with our little family.  BUT, there seems to be an overwhelming list of things to do!!

Feeling the waters of stress swelling up over me...I pulled into the driveway a few minutes ago, grabbed my hot, sweaty, sleeping boy from the back seat and put him safely in his crib... The list of things is multiplying... how are we ever going to get everything in order to GO.  That is when the sweet presence of God came... the Holy Spirit so sweetly reminded me that when God calls you, HE equips you!  He already knows that we will be provided for; He already knows if we will sell or rent our house; He already knows WHO will rent or buy our house; He already knows the perfect job for me in Dallas; He already knows the new friends that are waiting for us; He knows ALL the DETAILS!  

Instead of allowing the tears to flow, or the stress to open wide the door for fear, I see Jesus, who IS FOR US!  I see my King calling me, calling us, to so much more!  But, I don't want to go without Jesus.  I don't want to move with You, Lord!

Matthew 28:16-20  Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

"For me to live is Christ and to die is gain."   

But with the overwhelmed feeling comes the heart-racing excitement of the unknown!  We are truly excited... and ready!  God has been preparing us... and we feel him with us!  He is steadying our hands; He is keeping our feet secure; He is giving us joy in the morning; Our God is faithful! 

___________________________________________________________________________

In other news, Barrett turns 2 this month!  I am still in shock... my little bear bear is not so little anymore.  He is talking up a storm (not that we understand it all, but he still tries to get his point across).  He is running fast, with his "fast shoes" (he call his tennis shoes).  AND He also FINALLY got a real haircut!  Homeboy's hair was out of control!

Easter came and went... 

We opted for whatever was in the closet this year and never even bought a new outfit.

I thought he was still handsome as could be :)

And, my azaleas are blooming and beautiful!

Ray and I got to sneak away to OBX for  few days for my birthday!  

It was so nice to just be away and spend quality time together!

We did alot of laughing and shopping and just being together :)

And... GiGi got to have her first sleep over with Barrett!

I LOVED this adorable restaurant in Kill Devil Hills, Colington Cafe... Yum!

I did get to relax a little...

But there is still nothing like coming home to this face! 

B has been trying to "help" alot more.... I think he is just bored and wants our

attention. :)  These times of "helping" usually end up in a huge mess, 

and a sweet memory!

And there really aren't words for these 2...

definitely best buds :) 

Wagon rides have become an almost daily activity...

This boy LOVES the outside!

We have also been blessed to have a very special friend living with us the past 3 months...

MEEMA!!!

Amanda has been such a wonderful blessing to our family... not only is she a HUGE help,

but she is a dear friend!  I love her laugh and her honesty! 

I love having someone to eat dinner with on softball nights!

I love how she chases Barrett around the house!

I love how she keeps my laundry going when I drop the ball!

We will not know what to do without our Meema!!

We all left for Betsy & Patrick's graduation 2 weeks ago! 

We headed to Cleveland, TN to celebrate their accomplishments!

It was a VERY sweet family time!

I am overwhelmingly proud of my sis!

And it always does my heart good to be surrounded by mountains for a few days!

Gorgeous! 

Proverbs 19:21 

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

full heart. grateful heart.

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Psalm 143:8

This morning did bring forth fresh reminders of His unfailing love for me & my family... the past 2 weeks have had me up early to arrive at work on time... I have enjoyed working dayshift lately and picking up a few extra shifts as my schedule allows... my internal clock definitely works more efficiently when I have gotten my sleep! Though work has been emotional this past week, with a special family going through a difficult time... I am thankful for the moments that bring me home thanking God for Ray & Barrett & our families. I always hold Bear a little longer before bed... Stay up with Ray a little later... and Listen to friends and family with more intent. I am thankful for the simple reminder that life is short.

My schedule/planner has remained open on the table the past few days... it is filling up fast! I am pumped about all the things it is getting filled with... mainly family and friends... and that always does my heart good. I am realizing more and more that our time here in Chesapeake is growing shorter... my times with friends have seemed sweeter, Bear's playdate friends have been documented in his baby book... just in case he forgets, date nights here at the beach have definitely been more frequent and fun, time with family is more spontaneous, and sometimes a sadness fills my heart at the realization of missed birthdays, births, marriages, etc. But I am peaceful. Cheesy I know... But I am thankful for the simple reminder that "friends are friends forever if the Lords the Lord of them."

my heart... and much of my spare time lately has been spent with "the nations" weighing heavy on me. Not a day goes by that the sweet children in Africa don't run across my mind... or the desire to one day do mission work in India continues to increase... or the searching through books and mission organizations to learn where our family can make a difference in just a small way. After finishing the book, Radical, I knew that the part our family can play at this times is to PRAY. To pray for the Nations. I order the book,Operation World, the definitive prayer guide to every nation,and I LOVE IT! Barrett and I have been getting up in the morning and watching the short video on the country we will pray for... it is amazing! Most of the time, I am left with tears streaming down my face as Barrett and I pray for children in other countries. I am thankful that God is stirring hearts to pray for the people He loves...

Yesterday morning my heart was moved for the people in Botswana... I pray this video impacts your heart to pray for Botswana and the nations around the world!

"Here lies the supreme missionary motivation. It is neither obedience to the Great Commission, nor compassion for the lost, nor excitement over the gospel, but zeal (even "jealousy") for the honour of Christ's name... no incentive is stronger than the longing that Christ should be given the honour that is due to His name." John Stott

Summer is a comin...

(birthdays, anniversary, sis's graduation & wedding, beachhouse)

woot!!