do you ever feel those little self centered thoughts creeping in...
why am i the only one that does the dishes??
why am i the one that changes most of the poopy diapers?
why can't i just have one night out with my husband?
why can't i just have one day where it is all mine?
why do i have to do everything?!?!?!
First of all... I don't do everything... I don't do all the dishes or change all the poopy diapers... I have a wonderfully involved husband and dad... but sometimes my thoughts tend to pile up and I start to miss my days of freedom... doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Now I have much more responsibility and stress! Not that I would ever take back my little boy... its just that baby raising season and it can be challenging at times. After this past week of sickness I saw that even when everyone is sick, mom has to keep going, keep taking care of the baby, etc.
Its a hard thing for a girl to learn :)
I guess what got me missing my freedom was the thought that my birthday is tomorrow... what are we doing?? nothing really... now don't feel sorry for me... I know that it will be a GREAT day and I am sure that Ray is planning something fun for the next day that he is off! :) But Ray is working and I am hanging with my little man and not too much is different from any other day. In my crazy selfish mind I want to run away with my Ray and have a whole day and night to ourselves... and I want to get my hair done, get a pedicure, massage, you name it I WANT IT!! haha!
I love my days with Barrett. I love my days working hard to clean the house and fold the laundry. I love my times at work with my patients and nurse friends. I love making dinner. I love having people in my home. I love seeing Ray come home from work and sit in his chair. I love all of these things... but it is different. My life has changed alot in the past year and half... courtship, engagement, marriage, baby... yeah... thats how we like to do it... ha! :)
Though my life looks different than it ever has, I am learning things that I am sure I would not have learned without being Ray's wife and Barrett's mom. One of the primary things I am learning (and have been learning for a while) is that God is for me! He had this current season for me picked out before the foundation of the world. He has good for me... and I truly believe that with all my heart. It is a daily struggle to allow Him to make the plan for the day, to set the schedule... but ultimately His plan is much better! I want to LIVE wholeheartedly in every season of my life... not wishing for another one and contemplating the past season... this present season cannot slip by without me LIVING it!
So.... there is much to be thankful for and there is precious time each day that is waiting to be filled with night time talks with my Ray, walks to the park with Barrett, long conversations with my sis about what the Lord is teaching us, and lots of laughs! I don't want to allow my focus to slip into the mundane daily tasks and checklists, but I want my life to be enveloped with Jesus and His perfect plan for my day!
Can't wait for tomorrow... my first birthday I get to celebrate with my Barrett boy!!! It will be extra special because this time last year we went to get a 4D ultrasound of that sweet little guys and not he is here with us! And... my sweet Nanny called and is a planning to take me to lunch! No matter what the day holds we are going to LIVE it... abundant life baby!
John 10:10 I have come that they might have life, and have it abundantly!