Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Unending TimeLine of Forgiveness

Thoughts on what God is teaching me...

Sitting on my couch a few weeks ago, attempting to spend some time reading, but feeling so distracted. I kept glancing around my living room at all the beautiful gifts that our family has been blessed with at our baby showers. I have been overwhelmed by the love, support, adorable baby gifts, and encouragement I have received recently from our friends and family! Seeing the love and excitement from so many has given my heart more faith for what is to come! So, as I was having such a hard time focusing on reading I decided to just put away the books and pray. I felt a sudden longing in my heart to "pour out my heart to God." As I closed my eyes, the Lord showed me a picture... It was of a time- line of the past 9 months... I saw from the moment I was first pregnant until this very moment, just a few weeks from giving birth to my son. I was completely undone as I saw the lowest of lows... the points this year where I was angry at God, frustrated, depressed, and rebellious... but then I saw His hand... the hand that held mine through every tear, every moment of anger, every time I ran from my Savior... There was never a time that His strong hand did not cover mine... He never pulled away, never let go, never became angry at me. And now He has placed me high on the mountain His perfect plan! I was humbled by the love, grace, compassion, and forgiveness that has been shown to me during this season. Where would I be without my Savior's Hands? He has given me all that I need to begin this journey of motherhood... something I feel totally inadequate in, but so excited for the privilege to mother my son!

Isaiah 41:8-10, 13, 14

"But you, O Israel, my servant,
Jacob, whom I have chosen,
you descendants of Abraham my friend,

I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, 'You are my servant';
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.

Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob,
O little Israel,
for I myself will help you," declares the LORD,
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.

The message that Eric, our pastor, spoke on Sunday was about forgiveness. I was impacted my his question, "How differently would we live if we were knew how much we had been forgiven?" I have seen the forgiveness and grace of God in so many ways this past few months... but I don't know if it has penetrated my heart deep enough that I live differently... that my relationships with friends are filled with encouragement, not judgement... that my marriage is filled with grace and building up, instead of nagging and tearing down... that my parenting will look differently (in the future) as I seek to point out more of the gospel of grace, rather than legalism. Do I see that I have been forgiven of a debt I could never pay? Am I daily aware of God's constant forgiveness and abundant grace? Oh, that Christ would open the eyes of my heart to see the forgiveness He has shown me and will continue to show me!

So... we're very excited about this next month! Cannot believe how fast the time has flown by (now that I look back!) I am now 36 weeks and 4 days! Just asking for grace as I continue to work full time, keep our house in order, serve and love Ray, and prepare for Barrett!! Getting more and more excited as each day passes!

Jeremiah 43: 1-2

But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

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