Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Beautiful Embrace


So, most of you know, my prayers the past few weeks have been to TOTALLY EMBRACE this pregnancy. I have gone through so many emotions since September... kicking and screaming and refusing this to be God's will, sadness, discouragement, resentment, bitterness, anger, denial, a complaining spirit, and the list sadly could go on... BUT, last night... oh, last night...


I came home from a busy day at work... feeling the need to just sit and relax. Ray was playing basketball and it was just me and my boy... I put on some quiet music and laid down on our bed... just for a minute I told myself... I was lying on my side with the FAVORITE body pillow surrounding my tummy... and as I finally started to relax... Barrett began to move. It wasn't in his typical way... like flutters and bumps and little movements letting me know he is there... this was like nothing I have ever experienced in my life! It felt as if he was swimming around... all around... I felt him high, low, on both my sides... It was as if I could feel his hands and feet rubbing the inside of me.... and it lasted a long time... in a different way than the past few months. It was as if he was saying... "See mom, everything is going to be fine! I'm doing great in here! I am real and you are my mom!"


There aren't words to really describe last night... but I guess it is just something that just he and I will share for the next three months :) My love for him grew last night. My excitement that he is mine brought about more anticipation than I have felt so far. And, my awe at the wonders of my Jesus increased by leaps and bounds! I think, honestly, I realized, IN A REAL WAY for the first time, that my son is gift... a beautiful gift from my Jesus! The Lord has answered my prayers... to truly embrace this pregnancy... and He is doing it! Yes, it has been little by little... seeming that I am heading into the 7th month :) But I am SO encouraged that He is answering my prayers and giving me HOPE FOR THE FUTURE... in a way I have never seen. It is beautiful... the belly and all... it is BEAUTIFUL!

5 comments:

Mimi said...

:-)

Lizzy said...

beautiful posts, ash. i'm crying...God is so good to hear all the cries of our hearts. can't wait to meet your little Barrett.

abbey said...

such a great post Ash! It is beautiful...i'm so excited for you to experience holding that baby boy in your arms for the first time...there are no words to describe how incredible it is! you are going to be an amazing mom! i love you!

Ash said...

so humbled by all your encouragement! thank you
girls :) i cannot wait to hold him... and i can't wait for you guys to hold him too!! :)

Kristi said...

mmmm so encouraged by this. so true. What a great mom you will be, what sweet gift Barrett is from our Savior, and how faithful God is to answer your prayer! love you ash